So I stumble upon an unexpected tidbit today as I'm rummaging through my husband's desk drawers hunting for a stamp...
It's a sheet of lined paper, folded into quarters, and I can see that it's my husband's familiar scrawly handwriting in ball-point pen on the other side. I figure it's some notes he made to himself that I can now toss in my losing battle to "declutter" his desk... but what I read on the other side makes me sit down and focus my undivided attention.
The top says "Thoughts on approaches..." Under that heading are bits of phrases that I read through hurriedly at first, in an effort to get some context, but then go back to the top as I feel my stomach knot with unease. The phrases read:
"I love her no matter what, but this has been months of serious thought and consideration..."
"...something needs to change, because I feel like I'm changing..."
"Maybe a mid-life 'crisis', but feels very real to me..."
"...just not happy in this anymore, wish it were different..."
"...I believe we have ONE life, ONE chance only, can't waste the rest of mine feeling that there's something [someONE?] else out there who will be a better match for me..."
"She deserves a perfect match, too...I only want the best for her..."
"Would never ever do anything to hurt the kids, but feel it is important for them to have a great model of a happy relationship..."
So I guess, since this happened two days ago and I'm still feeling totally numb, that I'm still in the thick of the "What the HELL?!" stage right now (a term I'm sure is used by many marital therapists, right?). I haven't said a word to him about it. I'm afraid if I open my mouth I will start hurling accusations, and I'm just not sure if that's fair at this point... He deserves a chance to air his qualms and explain all this, right? I just don't want to say anything before I'm sure I can be fair and, well,.... at least not murderously angry... Should I wait for him to start this conversation or do I bring it to him?.... I'm afraid if I bring it up first, it gives him an easy entry into this discussion, and he should be doing ALL the work for it... I just don't know what people do in this situation.
